sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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