Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
ttyl tear gas
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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