I'm so fucking centered right now
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
