I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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