His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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