I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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