can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
