She's JV to your varsity
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
