Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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