When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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