How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize
