I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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