ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
being pregnant is like rehab
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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