chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
