the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Success! We fucked roommates!
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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