people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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