I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
