I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
