why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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