Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Randomize
