spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
