Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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