dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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