At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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