I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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