my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
