He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
