Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
