he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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