Buhtt sex?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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