slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
