At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
