He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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