i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You need a sexual gate keeper
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
