In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
