if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
