You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
