Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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