she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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