You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
