i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
