Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Randomize
