and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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