I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
