I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
