I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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