It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
