I puked a lego.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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