I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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