why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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