Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
