My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
