"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
