Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize