Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
