the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
