Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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