Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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