Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I would fuck him just for his dog
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