I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
