Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
