1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
