He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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