Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
