Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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