we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
