one might say we're banned from that church
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
