I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize