we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
